Tonight, you brought me to a field near your house and left me there for a few minutes. The field was very breathtaking, I don’t know if it’s the moon or the stormy clouds, I just know that I am in love.
And God knows I am in love with you.
The future seems so vivid, yet I know that God has the best plans for me. I just hope that he includes you in it- the future, I mean, because you are a blessing that I want to keep for the rest of my life. It seems so wrong to say that I see the future with you, but I swear I could imagine swimming pools, living rooms, aeroplanes, late night talks, children’s names, quiet nights (yes, Troye Sivan it is) with you.
To lose you would be a massive heartbreak for me.
I am already used to your morning messages, and even if after a few years you won’t be doing it that much, I’d still get used to it. And yes, it hurts to think that it is possible that one day, God could take you away, which is why I pray the He would include you for as long as He can, because I swear I’d love to have you forever. I want to wake up to your face every single day.
I never had deep feelings for guys. The trauma I had from my past relationships caused me to build walls around myself to protect the heart that I am trying to put back together. But you… you came, and the walls I built seemed like it was just a small maze for you because you captured my heart so easily. It seemed like I didn’t build any walls because you made me put it down, and that’s okay. Break me for your sake. Take this feelings that I vented up for a long time. My emotions are openly yours, you have my trust. You have me.
Break my heart a thousand times and I’d still come back to you.
Love doesn’t require happiness all the time. I know that I would be hurt loving you at times, but that will not cause me to leave you. The pain is bearable because God taught me to love. Even if this heart of mine would probably seem like it has a thousand nails and stitches, it would not alter the one I adore. My love, I am with you every step of the way, for as long as God wants me to. This is how I love.
My unusual love for rice fields and the moon and stars led me to that great realization: I am willing to live there as long as it’s with you. I am willing to see that field everyday as long as it means that I get to be with you. Let the rain wash off the field and the moon get covered by clouds, as long as I see it with you. This, my love, is how I love you.